June 2011
128 posts
06/01/11
06/01/11
And wait for this.
I am on you.
Hold your breath and let me taste your lungs.
You reek of stagnation.
Adamantly I suggest we leave this dirty bed;
With its whores and leather jeans.
I want to be invisible, whilst you want to be seen.
Let me write to you in Vegas,
About giant giraffes.
And you could not believe me.
I would.
22/11/10
22/11/10
You.
Do not know me.
I like.
Daffodils.
The morning.
Frost.
Your misery.
Heartache.
Cake.
Preferably chocolate.
Lies.
Bitterness.
Infidelity.
Autumn.
Caught on.
Camera.
Bunting and Banners.
Time.
Baths.
Shivering in silence.
Pain.
Anger.
Self-loathing.
You.
And sleep.
Endless.
Dirty.
Panties.
Ache.
Veins.
Mine.
Children.
One day.
Hope.
Dreams.
If I.
Had one.
Say.
I’ll never.
Be...
28/09/10_01
28/09/10_01
I had considered that his voice was abnormally mundane.
And I could stand and wait.
For this is only briefly spoken words,
On which I lend an ear.
So hold.
My coat.
And bear this weight.
As I stand and scream.
Through shattered glass,
and cold, cold air,
beneath this hazy dream.
28/09/10_02
28/09/10_02
To stand.
To stand.
To take my hand,
And talk beneath the stars.
My Love,
My Life,
My Everything,
all caught between my arms.
And march in steps of acquiesce,
and sing in time with me.
For I am all that you adore;
the Apotheotic Dream.
21/03/10_01
21/03/10_01
Melted hair;
straight out the shower.
Stumbling in new shoes.
I’ll sip red wine from my “Superman” mug
and pretend you’re listening to my hopes and fears.
Coy smiles,
and a raise of the eyebrows.
This music does not suit my taste.
And no,
I have never supported American football
despite rocking an “American Redskins” sweater in this pleasant...
21/03/10_02
21/03/10_02
You are.
Not trying to be.
Me.
Falling apart.
Secretly.
I’d be perfect for you.
If you’d turn your head and see.
I am a constant.
Determined.
Thought.
You are inconsistent.
And I will not try.
Much.
More.
21/03/10_03
21/03/10_03
I love the way you pack the groceries.
27/03/10
27/03/10
You are ready to fight.
Stop going out on the town Love.
Because the nights are never good.
And the days are even less.
19/03/10
19/03/10
I slipped.
Recall;
A call.
To hear your voice.
Calling out;
Enter.
No need for alarm,
or first aid.
The fire brigade would be of no use.
16/07/10
16/07/10
I sit adjacent to you
and count the clouds within the sky.
Speak slowly and finish your sentences.
I ache with age and life’s excitement
And you sigh with great relief.
—————————-
Entwine your fingertips in mine
As the clouds shift through the sky.
Wonders cease of tainted dreams
that shift in silent zephyr’s
And smiles fade to...
25/03/10
25/03/10
I have suffered your toil,
Again.
Sexist comments.
I made a mess of myself in front of you.
A beautiful mess.
Embarrassed.
A punch to the face was the least you deserved.
For saying that I look like I would enjoy rape.
I should’ve poured your drink on you.
I should have hurt you.
Public humiliation is unnecessary.
Un-condoned.
Things will change.
For...
10/06/10
10/06/10
A lot of people,
Around me now,
Seem to turn sour
And I have the power
Of 3.8% lager
To barter and argue
And keep you to myself.
And you keep talking and giving,
Breathing; not living
And it’s probably best.
For the best of the rest
Only cry your eyes out
And dehydrate your veins,
Whilst wrapped in leather arms.
And charms from boys,
Deflect your thoughts,
With strings...
01/06/10
01/06/10
I have the energy beneath my feet,
And the strings within my heart.
Beat.
And bass,
We’re out of place,
To stop before the start.
18/04/10
18/04/10
I had waited to fall in love.
Roughly.
Twenty or so times at this train station.
Iron, steel and orchestral accompaniments guide my footsteps.
And then you sit.
Invade.
Personal space.
I left my force field behind.
Either that or I am far too cavalier to comment upon your disgusting habit of masticating over fast food;
An act that will only leave you with a sense of...
18/04/10_01
18/04/10_01
I count relentlessly,
The pounding of beats.
You could have saved,
Some of your heart.
A minor part.
To put inside a jar.
To remember the living,
Commemorations for the dead.
For all the fragments of foreign matter washed ashore,
Materialise percentages of my character,
And illustrate the beauty, disaster and hope.
To.
Hold.
Out.
Your.
Hand.
Over castles of sand and kingdoms...
18/04/10_02
18/04/10_02
And the impression of you remains on my porch.
Beneath garlands of roses,
And soft, summer sun.
As breaths of lilies,
Arouse your senses.
And weighted, oak floors,
Command impulses in veins.
You carry a bitterness upon your lips,
From quality time well spent,
Whilst sour thoughts deplore your mind.
These litter-lined streets do not hold your love,
Or explode your heart.
For your...
18/04/10-04
18/04/10-04
If we lie tomorrow,
I may have to take your soul.
I may have to hold your heart,
And break your bones.
For this is love.
And I am giving up on travesties which only weigh me down.
For the way you call it on is beautiful.
Extracting utterance shared,
Within your voice of steel.
09/04/10
09/04/10
You have sunk away in silence;
To the solitude of sleep.
And I can barely keep the pace,
At which you drift away from me.
09/03/10
09/03/10
I have waited patiently for this to accumulate upon my body;
To intervene within my cells causing irreversible damage and subconscious pain.
I have waited for this;
I have waited in vain.
I am drawn to disease and self- damaging protocols.
I shall inflict suffering upon my body as an ethereal punishment for a moment of happiness.
For I am scared.
Perhaps.
That all this could be so easy...
09/03/10- The novel
09/03/10- The novel
I hate the way you breathe.
My Love.
It irritates my soul.
Darling.
And the fucking way you say certain fucking words.
Sweetheart.
It makes me candid.
Angel.
Your mannerisms are pungent.
Sexy.
They fucking reek of decomposing flesh.
Precious.
And for you to say: “you love me”.
Bastard.
Is everything I want.
22/07/10
22/07/10
Uncontrolled.
“Do we have to repeat this charade?”
She sighed in intoxicated disbelief.
The labour to find some witty repertoire or quaint colloquialism that will fulfil the 5 minutes of silence.
Although, something magical.
You say exactly what I wish to here.
And although shallow, empty lies are weaved to make me give you everything.
I would quite happily give up my soul for you.
28/11/09_03
28/11/09_03
Take a step back from your selfish pedestal.
Perhaps I am controlling.
But you can only stay if you want to.
Keep close.
Hush.
And he became thick-skinned to shun all her lies and distress.
And undress me with kisses.
Distractions that keep me awake in unfamiliar ways.
Hearts race and pace back too far.
Brush off my fear.
You’re finally considering my side....
20/12/09
20/12/09
I did try to love you;
With all my heart.
It was not love though;
It was pity.
I wanted your love but you could not have mine.
Instead hours of laborious heartache and misery.
28/11/09_01
28/11/09_01
Baby, perhaps I owe you one.
Every time you come around, you’re ready for the let-down.
And I am ready, fully prepared.
For viscous arguments, latency, strong words and melancholy tones.
You have bruised eyes from a lack of sleep.
He just lay still.
Ribs raise and deflate as you extinguish volumes of carbon dioxide.
He was so deeply in love with you.
She was not.
28/11/09_02
28/11/09_02
Bang, bang,
Violins.
Concerto.
Crescendo.
Depending on the night- life, we’re ready for the fight.
Right.
Stop hollering.
Two-step turn and I am ready for the fall.
Your voice.
Your call.
And I can hold this in and scream until your lungs burn.
And.
Alone.
Won’t you stop running for two months?
Slowly.
Hold me.
Ricochet this tourniquet and blaze...
28/11/09_04
28/11/09_04
It was faster than time.
Better than ever.
And tell me within your process, do you appear clever?
Articulate your praise in unfamiliar ways and manipulate my heart.
Tell me tales of love and dreams of hope, for leaving you just makes me choke.
I shall repeatedly delete you and break my soul.
It’s been three days since I heard your voice and I ain’t alright...
28/11/09_05
28/11/09_05
A precarious use of bad grammar.
Let it become your breathing.
Let it become you.
For I am better and stronger than ever before.
You have called unnecessary bouts of distress and emotional trauma.
Are you proud of yourself?
You make me sick with disgust.
And I tip-toe around the dead, ready for price and reason, or trial and treason.
You caught me off guard. I lost my...
13/11/09
13/11/09
It’s a long time coming.
God, its days and weeks and months, since I last saw you.
Since I said: “baby, lately, I’ve been thinking”,
I’m tripping over words and hearts that break apart.
And I’m trying to fix it but, things just don’t stick and we’re getting upset and I could screw this up yet and throw it away.
So, I’ll be moving,
I’m...
29/10/09
29/10/09
You walk along.
Check.
Pockets.
Check.
Full of crap that you don’t need.
Check.
He said:
“In real life”.
Check.
I’m not around.
Check.
I know chronologically the typography and correct geographical location of everything I possess.
Check.
Minus my heart.
26/10/09
26/10/09
The repeated crunch and thud of ghostly footprints on the moor echoes through the town.
Thoughts of your diminishing self-respect clutter her brain.
You do not understand this level of self-disgust.
Hot breath flows in waves of exchanged air –rate per hour.
And it is beautiful to feel both alive and dead simultaneously.
But weakness,
Is overpowering.
It clogs my arteries and blocks my...
25/10/09
25/10/09
I cannot move; leaden legs that drag along in their syncopated rhythm.
I do not wish to breathe;
I am diseased. It is in my head, or in my heart.
So inhale.
Just.
One.
More.
Stale breath of atmospheric molecules that only lend themselves to clog my lungs and prevent my heart from functioning.
Consequently, this prevents the required oxygen from reaching my brain and...
26/09/09
26/09/09
It is dull.
To sit and quarrel over broken trust.
There are obvious reasons I think that you’re ill.
You over exert yourself and force the waste Carbon Dioxide outside your fragile lungs and into the atmosphere.
You have created tension from this and conflict rage within my soul.
But, to copy your idiosyncrasies through light-hearted gestures only fuel your anger and...
04/10/09
04/10/09
I hold your hand.
Stop.
Punching at my heart.
This repeated syncopated hammering and ricocheting to the alveoli of my lungs,
Wrapped in their embryonic sac of fluid.
You are numb.
I hate to burden this knowledge.
18/10/09
18/10/09
This is an investment.
Please keep me safe.
He asked me:
“How much do you love him?”
“I hate him”,
I said.
So leave.
It hurts though;
My heart.
Fit to burst with emotion and passion.
07/09/09
07/09/09
Tentative fingers stumble and hesitate,
Clutching broken shards of heartache and loss.
Piece by piece of tear-stained fragments,
I build you an empire with my hands.
Designed through conception to completion,
This shall be physical perfection.
For modestly you are the personification of all I need and therefore, deserve nothing less.
Yet still, there is panic in your...
06/09/09
06/09/09
Touch.
Soft skin.
Racing heartbeats in staccato-ed rhythm.
Electricity carried in haemoglobin, through the aorta, pushing past valves, emptying into ventricles.
Whispering zephyr’s that crease delicate skin, still wrapped in linen.
Tip-toes upon a cold, tiled floor, to gently awaken the soul and heighten the senses with rich aromas.
Pull me close by open...
07/08/09
07/08/09
Everything is such a rush.
Hesitate.
Sharp.
Searing pain I do not wish for.
Cold.
Unwanted against my skin.
I do this for you.
Environmental sufferings.
Pause.
Strip lighting.
Intermittent flashing that begins to cause irritation.
Regimented seating similar to the Leibskind Jewish memorial.
Though numbed connotations of fascism, greed and death were provoked.
07/08/09_01
07/08/09_01
Waiting now.
Patience.
Thoughts sink and settle.
Reoccurring memories of tessellating figures in tune.
Sighs escape through un-kissed lips.
For this was more than just a dream.
Impatience heightens.
For I become sick of you.
Contagious with time constraints.
For quoted as “cute”, I am just an object required for special occasions, like fine china or salmon.
01/08/09
01/08/09
We can sit.
Arms folded.
Legs crossed to prevent your access.
Silence reverberates throughout partition walls and the stench of alcohol rapes my lungs.
Okay.
I admit it.
I was jealous.
So fucking, honestly jealous.
Of her.
She can play piano.
And you loved it.
Or whatever blaze shit she was hawking about.
Honestly though.
I reckon you were checking her.
Doing the full...
01/08/09_01
01/08/09_01
He was.
Busy.
After the Watershed.
He had probably gone to fuck that brunette.
Oh, I’m not angry.
No.
No.
No.
I am not writing this expressionist soliloquy in the blood of an innocent virgin.
So fuck you.
You self-effacing bastard.
For loneliness does not suit me.
And not much does.
I miss you.
Too much perhaps.
Even.
Chokingly so.
You left breathless,...
28/07/09
28/07/09
Sink deeper.
Hot stings within.
Surrounded by clouds that melt my soul.
Close to your lips.
Tasting your breath on my tongue.
There is still poison within my solid heart.
Drawn through the apex.
Diminished through tardiness of melody,
Strung through chords you reverberate at your fingertips.
Burning skin and repetitive grace
And I have yet to master this protocol of shame.
With...
04/07/09
04/07/09
It starts with the screaming,
The wailing of beats,
With blue-collars up,
Hooks up in the streets.
In paces, heart races,
In every place at once.
He is benevolent-like.
Feelings of pounding pain and close your eyes again.
And it dawns on the fractures and tap on the veins,
Grip teeth on the leather injecting that shite again.
‘Cos he said “it’s...
21/06/09
21/06/09
Okay and breathe.
You scrunched up black cotton sleeves into soft hands.
Head down to distract attention- who was I kidding; with hair this fuckin’ good!
But more so to distract attention from your exposed legs, glorified and emphasised in black,
French heels; your favourite.
Scantily-clad in sequinned blue, leopard prints that laced your curves, accentuating muscles and...
25/06/09- All for you, Darling.
25/06/09- All for you, Darling.
I felt it necessary to elude some vignette ascertaining my emotional attachment towards you as you were hurt that your actions and charms have not brought out my weaker characteristics.
You seemed bitter, possibly jealous that I did not confess to pacing the 4x6 parquet flooring in my best heels and sexiest knickers, muttering drunken soliloquies of unrequited...
Because of Jonathan- 11/06/09
Because of Jonathan- 11/06/09
Part I
We cannot talk as she is jealous of my etiquette and intellect…or possibly arrogance?
And so instead,
I shall stumble round in black lingerie,
Inebriated in an old baggy t-shirt and stilettos that graze my heels.
My unkempt curly hair dances,
Dusting upon shoulder blades and scraped aside by soft fingertips.
With a bottle of cheap, Australian red...
10/06/09
10/06/09
I am bored of idle conversation so jejune and pointless in its arrogance.
So I shall write enough for you in ink,
Splattered against walls about unrequited love deplored and executed over hours spent drinking fresh bubbly,
Frothy lattes.
Venting anger and frustration at the cause of this castration.
So simply a sense of arrogance and wit,
Of charming, cavalier confidence so you...
08/06/09
08/06/09
No more fruity, red wine or running of hands through hair.
Maybe you’ll stay; maybe you won’t.
Maybe you’ll live; maybe you won’t.
And still the butterflies raced in excitement of seeing your face again.
He was distant and incoherent,
Un-phased and uninterested.
I felt hurt, a deep sense of rejection.
Yet, what should I expect from a pre-pubescent...
31/09/09
31/09/09
It was beautiful to just drive.
The sun streaming in on your tainted skin.
Smoke-filled kisses,
Smudged make-up and stained clothes from the night before.
Aches and pains stung from your Favourite black stilettos
And you thought you should do this more often.
You were far classier; pre-groomed and made to Impress,
Like a mail-order token,
But a cut above the rest.
Despite this...
29/09/09
29/09/09
And I.
I cannot do this.
My lungs are thick with tar.
My voice is choked on this self-abuse.
I have lines like ribbons that tell the story.
For the thrill of the fall, I’ll ignore your sound advice.
I cannot see a rescue, or a remedy.
I’m not falling in love with single words, or rhymes that are uttered through locked doors.
I have a song unsung for you.
My bones are shattered and...
16/09/09
16/09/09
You’ve already forgotten about me,
As your arrogance outshines me. I came to realise that I was wrong; that there are not ‘types’ of people.
Maybe today I’ll be a writer, or a chef, or an architect.
And I shall wear clothes from gap and drink green tea, practice yoga and detest Girls Aloud.
I shall visit Brighton at the weekend and enjoy weaving tales of past...
